Sex Done Well pt. 5: All Things New

All of this talk about #sexdonewell, covenant, valuing the gift of our sexuality and our spouse is great but what if my story wasn’t a Disney fairy tale?

Everyone has a different past and most everyone has some sort of regret or place of shame dealing with their sexuality.

As I wrote last time in part 4, every time we have a sexual encounter our brains release neurochemicals that attach connection and pleasure to a person, memory or experience. Sex was designed intentionally by God to bond us body, soul and spirit in such a way that we would crave and be joined to our spouse.

When someone has a sexual encounter outside of their marriage partner, they give a part of their soul (mind, desire, emotion, memory, connection) take a part of the other person’s soul with them. Sexual experiences are not just limited to sexual intercourse. The brain can release these bonding neurochemicals to a person or an experience that sexually arouses us, roaming hands with sexual intent, other sensual physical contact, viewing pornography and other things.

What that means is when the time comes to give one’s self to their spouse, they are bringing other people from their past into the bedroom with them in their soul. The person is there with their spouse but their heart, soul and mind they still have physiological connections with someone else. That is called a “soul connection” or a “soul tie”.

So, what should you do if you can relate to any of this and you want to only be connected and bonded to your spouse (or future spouse if not married yet)?

Well, here is the good news. …. .

God is for you, he’s not out to shame or condemn you.  He in the business of restoration. Revelation 21:5 says He makes all things new and He can wash away any blemish, guilt and shame that we are carrying and restore your soul to wholeness again!  You have to believe that God is better at clean up than you are at making a mess and that is the truth! There are many churches that offer this type of healing and restoration ministry and you can even contact me for more information or suggestion about a place to go. However, you don’t have to do that. You can experience freedom and restoration right now where you are at. Here are a few steps you can take:

1. Pray and ask God to forgive you for your part in any consensual sexual encounters. In Psalm 51, King David prays this type of prayer when he decided he wanted to be whole and restored after an adulterous relationship with Bathsheba that even led to  murder.

2.  Make a decision and confession to break all consensual soul connections or ties that you have. Maybe something like this prayer, “God I renounce and break the soul connection I have with ________ and I release them back to you.” Renounce may sound like a strong word but to really be free you cannot secretly still want a soul connection to someone else other than your spouse. Also, pray for God’s will to be done in their life.

3. Believe Father God wants to 100% restore your body and soul to wholeness.  Receive God’s cleansing and forgiveness. “God, I thank you for your forgiveness and for cleansing me of all consensual encounters. Thank you for restoring my soul to wholeness again.”

4. Make a commitment by God’s grace and help, to only give your sexuality to your spouse.  In John 8, a woman caught in the act of sexual sin was brought to Jesus and he did two things. The first thing he did was to silence her accusers. Voices of shame, guilt and accusation may try to hang around in your mind, but Jesus is the judge and when you go through these steps and mean it, He silences all of the accusers. The second thing he did was told her to “go and sin no more.” You may be tempted again in the future but you will know your heart is in the right place if you don’t want to go back to old ways and patterns.

5. Find a prayer partner ( and not the guy or girl you are interested in 😉 to talk and pray with to help you walk out the wholeness and restoration you now have.

You may have not had the perfect Disney prince or princess past (neither did I), but by the cross of Christ and God’s grace your future can be better than you could imagine.

** This is written for those who have experienced consensual encounters.  If you have ever been violated or someone has forced you into a sexual encounter of any type, you can pray to renounce and break any unwanted soul connection but I would encourage you to speak with a counselor or a pastor as well.

Many people live their entire lives with shame and not being able to be whole-hearted because of these type of issues, so feel free to share and pass this along.

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